Skip to main content

Facebook

My face has been known to intimidate my students.  It has made my sons cry on more than one occasion.

“What is the matter?” people ask on days I am feeling just fine, good even.  

Between my eyebrows, there is a furrow which at first glance may suggest deep thought, or mild aggression, or possibly boiling rage.  I have to concentrate to relax it away, and change the message of my face from “tread carefully” to “why, hello there.”  

I don’t smile nearly enough - not at my boys, or my wife, or my parents, and certainly not at strangers or casual acquaintances.  If my face is a book, I am not sure it is one people would be excited to read.  

The book of my face does an admirable job of telling the story during the big moments of life.  When my story is one of exceptional joy, my face will show you that in a moment’s glance - crooked teeth, eyes alight with happiness.  When I am angry or feel I have been wronged, there will be no hiding it.  I lock eyes with my adversary, and bystanders dive to the ground covering their heads.  When sadness takes over, laying itself across my back like a heavy coat, one need only take a cursory glance to know.

The problem is, my face malfunctions in the ordinary times.  Washing dishes, listening to my boys tell me about their days, sitting beside my wife reading, talking with my aging parents - in these moments a glance at my face tells far too serious a story.  In the hours that make up the majority of one’s life, my face reads like a tale of an angry young man or perhaps a tale of one betrayed too many times.  But, I am not angry.  I have not been betrayed.  That is just my face.  My book has an unwelcoming cover.  The book of my face misleads the reader and does not hint at how wonderful a story lies beneath.  

This is not a light-hearted tale, it seems to say.  

I began writing, in part, to reveal a bit more of the true story behind the face I wear and show others.  I began writing my blog so that years from now, my sons will have a record of the way I look at the world rather than the way I appear to look at it.  The title of my blog came from my time in Vermont.  I liked the connection to Mt. Mansfield, the highest peak in the state, a place where one can see clearly for miles.  

I was also struck by an image I saw repeated all over the state.  Along winding highways and dirt roads alike, I frequently saw farmers standing and leaning on a fence post, or amid the clumps of tilled land, or paused atop an idling tractor.  There they surveyed their fields.  They took stock of what they had, where it had come from, what it could become through their toil.  One man’s field, each one.  I am sure there are all sorts of stories of joy behind the wrinkles of their serious faces.  Despite the simple and unyielding cover, there are wonderful stories beneath.  

I set out to take stock of my life and share any observations that might resonate with others.  It is a solitary pursuit, but the fruits of that labor have created a much deeper connection to community than I had ever thought possible.  My closest friends have come to understand parts of me I would be unlikely to share in public.  Acquaintances have become friends.   They have come to literally read chapters of my life, moving well beyond what my face could ever convey, far beyond what one could see by taking me at face value.  

The next step in that is my joining Facebook.  I haven’t so far, because I fear the replacement of real interaction with tallies of likes and shares.  I fear the compulsion, the voyeurism, the distraction of another invasive technology.  The part of me that distances myself from others had vowed to never join.  

But, life is quick and I find myself hoping to connect a bit more closely with those around me, to share a bit more of myself.  My hope in joining is that I will be able to tell a fuller story to more people.  

I doubt getting older, watching my parents age and eventually pass, tackling the trickery of teenage boys, will help relieve my furrowed brow.  It is unlikely my directness will suddenly be viewed as a warm invitation to sit and chat, but perhaps Facebook might just help tell a story my face sometimes covers up.  

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

The Rules, as They Apply to Serena

“ Well, she DID break the rules ,” some people are saying. This past Saturday, Serena Williams was penalized in ways that were unprecedented for a Grand Slam final. Some want to spin the narrative that technically Serena deserved what she got. That is an oversimplification that needs more careful thought. Her first warning for coaching was justified, technically , by the fact that her coach was indeed gesturing for her to go to the net. Set aside for now the fact that men are rarely, if ever, called for similar behavior. Her second infraction, resulting in a point deduction, was for smashing her racket. She did. The Grand Slam rulebook defines “verbal abuse” as any statement about an official that “implies dishonesty or is derogatory, insulting or otherwise abusive.” So for her third infraction -- calling Ramos a “liar” and a “thief” -- she technically broke that rule resulting in a game deduction late in the second set. What people need to acknowledge is how sexism and racis...

A Farewell to My Seniors

It has been years since I first assigned commencement speeches to my seniors to end their high school experience. The stories they have told year after year always reaffirm why I keep doing this job. It has become a tradition for me to deliver a speech of my own to end the year. Here is this year's edition. I n his book Fablehaven Brandon Mull writes, “Smart people learn from their mistakes. But the real sharp ones learn from the mistakes of others.” That’s one thing I hoped to accomplish with these speeches to conclude the year. I hope Maddi’s statement that being cat-called makes women feel unsafe prevents all the young men sitting here from making that mistake. I hope Ryan’s mistake of not getting involved right away in high school inspires you to jump right into things in college. I hope the cautionary tales people have shared about addictions and eating disorders prevent you all from making the mistake of ignoring warning signs and encourage you to ask for help when you need ...

The Case for Arming Teachers

“I wanted you to see what real courage is, instead of getting the idea that courage is a man with a gun in his hand.”  That is what Atticus Finch says to his children in To Kill a Mockingbird . His words have always pretty much summed up my beliefs about guns: one can live a life of courage without ever touching a gun. His brand of courage - fighting with words and ideals - could do all that was necessary in the face of malevolence. I was certain of it.  Still, when an angry mob comes to lynch Tom Robinson, Harper Lee places another character up in a nearby window. He leans out watching the scene unfold, his double-barreled shotgun trained on the angry mob - just in case Atticus’ brand of courage is not enough of a deterrent. Little kids and their lawyer father appealing to human decency might stop some crimes, she seems to hint, but there are others that need something more lethal. Despite Atticus’ crusade for justice, it is a gun that slaughters Tom Robinson. ...